It’s a natural human instinct to judge others. We do it without even realizing it. We see someone behave in a way we disapprove of, and we jump to conclusions about them or compare ourselves to them. Sometimes, we do this to feel superior or better about ourselves, and other times, it makes us feel inadequate or like we don’t measure up.
Judging other people can have a negative impact on our relationships and our own spiritual growth. On the other hand, working to change our judgmental nature leads to powerful, positive transformation that creates the opening for greater fulfillment in our lives.
Here are 5 tips to judge others less and live with more compassion:
1. Ask yourself why you are judging.
Our brain makes tons of decisions every day: some good, some bad, and some neutral. At the supermarket, we may judge which fruit is the ripest. When driving, we judge whether or not it’s safe to change lanes. And when making a big purchase, we may weigh the pros and cons to judge whether it’s the right choice for us. There is a time and place for judgment in our lives, but when you find yourself judging another person, pause and ask yourself, “Why?” Is there a decision you need to make? Is it a matter of safety? Are you looking to help them? Or are you just looking to make yourself feel better?
A good rule of thumb is to THINK before you judge: is the thought True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, and Kind? If the answer is no, actively choose not to give energy to the thought. The more you practice this, the easier it will become.
2. Be kinder to yourself.
The most judgmental people are the ones who feel the most lacking in their own lives. Judgment becomes a crutch we lean on because we feel inadequate in some sense. We judge talents, characteristics, or even blessings someone else has to make us feel better about ourselves. The judgment makes us feel better at the moment but has long-term negative effects.
When you look at someone you want to judge negatively, remind yourself it comes from a place of lack within you. The more compassionate and accepting you are towards yourself, the more you can replace the shame or judgment with love and kindness, both for yourself and for others.
3. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
When we judge people, we reduce them to a handful of characteristics. We might label them as “spoiled,” “annoying,” or “inconsiderate,” for example, and leave little room for nuance. Judgment is a one-dimensional view when, in fact, we are all complex beings. It’s a view that stems from the ego because we think we know everything there is to know about the other person and that we are better than them, but it’s not based in truth.
Start giving people the benefit of the doubt. Likely, they are just like you, trying to do the best they can in their circumstance. Know that what you see is not all there is. We can never fully understand someone’s circumstance or predict how we would react in their shoes. Instead of criticizing, try looking at their positive attributes. What are they doing right? What are their best characteristics? Let people have room to be who they are. The things you might not like about someone might be the very things they are working on.
4. View flaws in others as a reflection of what you need to change about yourself.
It’s easy to see shortcomings in others but almost impossible to see our own. Finding the areas of ourselves that need work is necessary for us to change and grow in the powerful spiritual ways we are meant to. That’s why we are given endless mirrors: the people in our lives.
It is a gift when we see something negative in another person because it is a reflection of something within us we need to change. We aren’t meant to change other people, but to recognize there is an aspect of their behavior within us that we need to change. It may not be a literal match to how we behave, but there is an element of it that is worth exploring. When someone rubs you the wrong way, there’s a reason. Ask yourself, “Why does this bother me so much? Where does this behavior show up within me? How can I work to change that aspect of myself?”
5. Show mercy to others to attract more mercy in your own life.
The wisdom of Kabbalah teaches that the Universe behaves towards us in the same way that we behave towards others. When we are judgmental, the Universe judges us harshly, which means things are more challenging for us. On the other hand, when we are merciful towards others, the Universe shows mercy upon us, which creates an opening for blessings in our lives.
In this way, judging others is actually harmful to ourselves. When you feel the inclination to judge someone, remind yourself that it is detrimental to you. Make it your goal to awaken more mercy in your own life by showing it to others, knowing you are aligning yourself with the positive force of Creation.
Judging less and less is a clear indication you are changing into the person you want to become, who loves yourself and is secure, confident, and happy. It is one of the best gauges of how you are developing as a human being and growing spiritually. It takes a lot of work and consistent effort for us to break the natural reaction to judge. Be mindful of why you are judging and the damage it does to both parties. Find mercy for yourself and for others, and continue to push yourself to grow toward a more loving, accepting, and sharing person.
