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I want to ask about something bothering me a lot lately regarding a person’s destiny. On the one hand, we know that on Yom Kippur our destiny for the coming year is decided according to what we have done in the previous year. On the other hand, some say that a person’s destiny is decided when he is born—how many years he is going to live, who he is going to marry, how many children he will have, and what his job will be. In addition, some say that a person's name is what affects his life. So, I am kind of confused. Could you please make it clearer for me? ~HH
Destiny is something that we can control every day. For example, I may feel inclined to talk badly about someone and then decide to read the Zohar. If on that day I end up not talking badly about anyone, my destiny for that day has been changed.
On Yom Kippur the Lightforce erases our negativity based on the spiritual work that we have done previously. But the test must come whenever the Light wants to give us more. So if on Yom Kippur it is written that the person will find his soul mate, it might come with a test. If that person passes the test he will find his soul mate and if not, he will have to wait for the next. Both options can be written on Yom Kippur and it works the same when we are born.
Also, whenever we do something positive for 40 days we can change negative behavior that is rooted within us from the day we are born. It's written that the Light will give us the power to be steadfast for 40 days, but whether we will do it or not is up to us.
Finally, the concept of tzedaka (giving to charity or any action of sharing that is difficult for us to do, like forgiveness) can always change our destiny and bring us to a much better place in life.
Wishing you all the very best!