Research shows that developing empathy in children can lead to increased emotional intelligence and longer, stronger relationships. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else. It is a necessary characteristic, one that we all can cultivate and grow. One of the most powerful and effective ways to help our kids develop this attribute is through modeling the behavior ourselves.
Children learn by observing the adults in their lives. Whether we realize it or not, the children in our lives are always watching and learning from us. It is so important for our children to see us practice empathy.
Here are 3 behaviors to model empathy for your children:
1. Practice giving others the benefit of the doubt.
You don’t need to know someone’s backstory to see them as human or to feel their pain. You just need to be able to put yourself in their shoes, which is the hallmark of empathy. Some of the biggest obstacles we face in relationships come from wanting others to understand where we are coming from but failing to do the same for them.
When confused by someone’s behavior, think about all the other things in their life: their wants, desires, disappointments. What are the situations and challenges that have led them to where they are today or to make the decision they are making? Remember that they’ve walked a different path than you. It’s likely they aren’t intentionally making bad decisions or trying to hurt anyone.
We can’t ever know someone’s full story, but we can stop and say, “There must be a reason behind it.” Find a place in your heart for love, even for someone causing you pain. Make sure that your children see you practicing this, and they will learn this behavior from you.
2. Focus more on being kind than being right.
Humans are judgmental by nature, and that is a natural barrier to empathy. Often, we judge others so that we can avoid feeling empathy for them. When we feel empathy, it brings us to a different state of emotions and often requires us to take some action to help or console the other person. It’s often easier to dismiss or look down on their behavior so that we don’t have to do any of the challenging spiritual work we are meant to do.
When someone acts in a way that we disapprove of, our instinct is often to hold our hearts back and not be empathetic because we think we know better than they do and that we are going to teach them a lesson. Kindness is at the root of empathy and is always more effective than judgment. Think about how you can put judgment aside and help lift the other person up. Show your children that being kind is more important than being right.
3. Encourage acts of sharing.
Participating in altruistic activity increases feelings of empathy and connection for others. Encourage your children to perform acts of sharing and create opportunities for them to help others. This could be volunteering at a shelter, donating old toys, or even making a card for a sick family member.
When you show kids how to make altruism part of daily life, they will surprise you with their own ingenious ways to share. When you start to make that something they look for, they will become empathetic adults.
The kabbalists teach that if you want to be great and want your children to be great, the foundation is empathy. The more empathetic you take the time to be, meditating your eyes and heart on empathy for others, the greater you will become in life. We have opportunities all day long to model empathetic behavior for our children. Look for those opportunities and grab hold of them, knowing you are shaping the way your children move through the world. When was the last time your children saw you being empathetic?
