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My husband has health issues, which require assistance. I have no problem assisting him. But he has decided he needs to be waited on all the time, hence my problem. I have mostly succeeded in not spreading my negativity by being supportive and loving, then walking away or talking to myself until my anger has cooled and I can be loving again. I want to learn how to prevent this anger in the first place and need additional tools. We’ve been married over 19 years and are still growing and learning.
I applaud you on your self-awareness in realizing that you can only take control over your behavior and not his.
As we believe in the law of cause and effect, even through different lifetimes, it’s valuable to keep in mind that the two of you are together for various reasons influenced by your tikun on many levels. Perhaps, in a prior lifetime he was the one helping you and now you are together to assist him. Therefore, your spiritual work is to transform your anger and resentment into compassion and care for his situation and what he must be going through.
Use the Zohar, 72 Names and the Ana B'Koach for awakening more of your soul’s Light. Once you do that, you can have a heart to heart conversation with your husband about feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of. He may not realize your feelings because he’s caught up in his own feelings of fear, anxiety, frustration, etc.
While you are speaking with him, be sure to simultaneously send him Light from your soul to his soul. As you are revealing Light and sharing with love, new thoughts and revelations will come to you about how to handle the situation proactively. More Light and more proactive actions, bring more clarity and harmony.
Also, since he has a health issue, make sure that you both are reading/scanning from the Pinchas section of the Zohar, and sending healing Light to all humanity so that more healing Light flows through to the two of you.