Ask A Kabbalist

Balance in Giving


How can I find a balance between giving to my family—being the mom and woman I want to be—and giving back to myself to rejuvenate?


As a woman attempting to balance children, a marriage, and of course a self, it may sound counterintuitive when I say that you must come first. That doesn’t mean that your manicures, massages, and gourmet coffee must come before your household responsibilities, but rather that your connection to the Lightforce must come first. (There is definitely a time and place for manicures and gourmet coffee! But attaining deep fulfillment means looking for fulfillment in the right places – and anything material is going to leave us needing more once the initial rush, shine, or sparkle has worn off.)

So in essence, your real responsibility to your family, friends, and coworkers is to make sure you actually have something to give, and that must be your first priority.

Generating something to give has 2 dimensions –

1. Nourishing your soul

2. Getting busy outside of yourself

Nourishing your Soul

That means scheduling time to connect and study, in the same way you schedule time for errands or meals or anything else. Connecting requires the use of kabbalistic tools like the Zohar, the 72 Names of God, the Ana B’Koach, and more. Simply by opening the Zohar every morning (or night), we are saying, “I cannot do this alone. Light, please help me do all that I need to do.”

Studying can include classes at your local Centre, study group, or on It can involve reading Zohar, or other books of kabbalistic wisdom. It might mean keeping up to date on consciousness emails from Karen Berg and/or Spirituality for Kids. But either way, it means taking time in your week and space in your head to expand your consciousness and grow towards greater understanding.

One other vital component to nourishing your soul is constant change and growth. Your studying and connecting is meant to bring a greater awareness of what you can improve in your own life, how you can be a better person, and stretch yourself toward a higher version of yourself. Imagine how much more you can accomplish when operating from that space!

Getting Busy Outside of Yourself

Just because it appears that you have more to do doesn’t mean you need more fuel to do it – quite the opposite. One of the most important ways you can bring more value to everything you do is giving your family and your marriage a higher purpose.

What makes a relationship deeply fulfilling? A higher purpose. What is that higher purpose? Striving to bring more Light to the world. Does this purpose sound too abstract or ambitious? It’s really not; in fact, it’s profoundly practical.

It starts with a very simple question: How can I share? How can I share within my marriage or relationship, and how can I share outside of my marriage or relationship? Think of it this way: If the focus of your relationship is merely about being together all the time, then you’re not bringing much Light to the world at large.

The reason Kabbalah encourages people to share is not because it’s morally or ethically the right thing. Sharing is the key to happiness; sharing is how a person becomes fulfilled. Why? Sharing is the nature of the hidden Light of the Creator. Therefore, the more we share, the more we emulate the Light. Then, according to the Law of Attraction (like attracts like), we move closer to the Light and the world around us reflects this added illumination.

When you take that attitude and approach into your daily life – whether by volunteering your time, your money, or any other resources – that giving doesn’t deplete you – it invigorates you! And as the female aspect of your home, your family looks to you for more than just time and attention. Whether they realize it or not, they look to you for energy.

So in effect it’s really your obligation to give to yourself first! Warning: make sure you are giving yourself lasting fulfillment, not temporary fulfillment. It’s easy to confuse the two. The former comes from within, and the latter comes from without.

Happy balancing!


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