Ask A Kabbalist

Forgiving and Forgetting


I am hurt by a friend that always makes promises and then always cancels, forgets, or postpones. What should I do? ~FM


Dear FM,

Unfortunately, this is a common problem among students. Kabbalah teaches us to be loving, kind, tolerant, and forgiving, especially when it goes against our nature and especially when we don’t feel like being Light-like. And so, it seems that our opponent takes extreme advantage of us as we learn to grow spiritually.

Firstly, scan from your Zohar and send this friend a lot of Light. This will help you transform YOUR hurt feelings into Light and blessings, and give you the clarity and strength to move ahead in your spiritual growth.

The key to this situation is to understand that there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. We always want to act with forgiveness so that we don’t hold on to any negativity that blocks our Light. And we want to send Light to the other person to awaken the Light in their soul that will eventually help them to change.

But, forgetting is a different story. If your friend doesn’t have remorse or regret, and is not making a true effort to keep his or her promises, then you need to remember that not fulfilling their promises is their constant behavior. The next time that they promise something, either don’t accept their invitation, or, if you accept it, have a “back up plan” to do something else. This way YOU are not repeating the same mistake over and over again. Always send them Light so that you stay in the Light no matter what they do.

I hope this clarifies the situation for you. If you need more specifics, please contact your personal Kabbalah teacher.

Light and blessings,



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