Ask A Kabbalist

Forgiving the Dead


My husband died earlier this year. Despite my efforts, I cannot forgive him for making me suffer. I was told that it comes from the ego. Is that true? What can I do to forgive him? What will happen if I cannot forgive him before Yom Kippur? Thank you. ~AA


Dearest AA,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Rav Berg explained to me many years ago that we are not made from stone or steel. As human beings we have feelings, and that's ok. You have to go through the feelings of hurt and grief. It is the loss of your husband.

The key to life is how you respond to those feelings. Kabbalah teaches us to use our feelings as power, to be more loving and kind and sharing. You CAN forgive him; it just takes work and effort. The Light inside of you has the power of forgiveness, which you can use towards him.

Don’t focus on fighting your feelings towards your husband, just focus on sending him Light and sharing your feelings with him. Scan the Zohar to awaken the Light inside of you. Even speak out loud about how you feel. Then just say that you forgive him for making you suffer and ask his forgiveness for directing your hurt feelings towards him. With enough of this work and the Light that comes from it, the negative feelings you have will dissipate.

Begin this process as soon as possible and connect to a Kabbalah teacher at the Kabbalah Centre.


See all