Ask A Kabbalist

Getting Through a Loss

Question:

What are some kabbalistic tools for getting through a loss?

Answer:

One thing is clear—any type of loss, whatever it is, is painful. Loss is like cutting something away from ourselves, like losing a limb. It could be physically painful or emotionally painful. But it could also be spiritually painful. When we experience a spiritual loss we can feel spiritual pain. For example, one might feel connected to God for many years and then something happens and they suddenly feel a disconnection. This is very painful for people who are connected. And this loss needs to be healed.

But as long as we see it as loss, we cannot heal our pain. We begin to heal when we start looking at loss as the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new chapter. When I leave this world, there is still life. Therefore, if there is life after life, there is definitely life after loss. Life is just finishing the chapter and turning the page. The pain will stay but the healing process begins when we understand that a new chapter has begun.

The Creator shuts one door for you because He wants you to elevate to the next level, to grow. What does growing mean? Growing up means that we are not children anymore. We’re adults. Once we are grown up, we can feel as if we have lost our childhood. We reflect and ask, what happened to my childhood? It feels as if it has been buried somewhere. Sometimes we miss it and we want to go back. The truth is we lost it to gain something better. And then better, and then better. Stop and ask yourself what it is that the Lightforce is trying to teach you and how you can grow from the experience.

Something that is lost is not truly lost forever. It stays in our memory, in our consciousness. We can overcome and heal a loss by appreciating what we had and the experience that we had. We can even have appreciation for the pain. Pain shows that I’m alive; it is a wake-up call that helps me to grow and to stay connected. Pain shows that there is a healing process. When we are hit by something, we don’t feel anything for the first two seconds. The pain comes a moment later, because after the first two seconds the body starts to heal. It’s the healing process that is painful.

Pain shows that I am going on, that I’m growing, that I’m healing. Problems arise when people react to pain by trying to hold on to what they had before. This is not wise, because what you had is gone; you lost it already. Then you lose twice, because you are also losing what you could have. So please, go on and lose only once. You can enjoy the memories of what you once had and appreciate what it gave you. And that never dies.

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