The holiday season is a time for joy, celebration, and relaxation… but it’s also a time that can be incredibly stressful, especially when it comes to navigating family dynamics. Some of us even dread the thought of family gatherings. Getting together with family can mean heated political discussions, arguments about life choices, and reopening old wounds.
All families have challenges. Families are made up of people, and people are complicated beings. While we can’t change or control other members of our family, we can choose to set our consciousness in a positive, productive way that sets us up for success.
Here are 5 tips to navigate family holiday gatherings:
1. Set your intentions and expectations ahead of time.
So much of our stress at the holidays stems from wanting things to be picture-perfect: the food, the decorations, the merriment, and even our family interactions. We want everything to be straight out of a holiday movie. But when things go awry or don’t live up to our expectations, it’s easy to get frustrated, upset, or angry. The key is to set your intentions beforehand. Instead of wanting everything to be perfect, which is impossible, focus on the things you most want to get out of the experience.
You can’t force others to be cheerful, kind, considerate, or respectful, but you can choose what you make of your experience and where you place your effort. Before the holidays, make a list of the things that matter most to you and a list of the things that you are determined to not let bother you. Going in with this consciousness helps you set your expectations and intentions to help avoid disappointment or falling into reactive behavior that you might regret later.
2. Awaken appreciation for those you love.
When family members push our buttons, it’s easy to lose sight of the gratitude we have for them being in our lives. We always have a choice to shift our mindset to one of appreciation. Getting to spend time with family and loved ones is a gift that not everyone has.
Appreciation may be uncomfortable at times. Sometimes, it feels that others don’t deserve it or reciprocate it. But appreciation does not mean everything is going right or that you agree with their choices. It means you are grateful that they are simply there for you and love you.
Remember that our time in the physical world with people is limited. Do everything you can to awaken appreciation while the people in your life are still here. Through awakening appreciation, you can completely transform your experience and allow miracles to enter your life.
3. Look for ways to share more selflessly.
The holidays are all about giving to others. But that doesn’t just mean finding the perfect gift to give. There are many ways we can share– lending assistance with meal prep, offering a shoulder to lean on, or going out of your way to do a favor, for instance. We all know it’s nice to do things for other people, but it’s easier said than done when dealing with family members who can drive us crazy or who don’t do the same for us. Know that the most powerful and transformative form of sharing is when it’s outside our comfort zone without expectation of anything in return.
Some relationships will always be challenging, but dynamics are meant to evolve as we grow. A child can become the provider to the parent, the younger sibling can offer wisdom to the older one, and distant cousins can become best friends. Consider how you can step into the role of a giver within your family.
4. Approach family conflicts as opportunities for personal growth.
Your family is perfect. No, that doesn’t mean everyone gets along or that they don’t have complex problems. It means your family is perfectly designed for your spiritual growth. The wisdom of Kabbalah teaches that our souls choose the family we are born into, knowing that the challenges and advantages it brings are exactly what we need to become our best selves.
Your soul wants you to grow and transform. All the trauma and hardship you experience are part of that process, pushing you to change in powerful ways. Family conflicts are meant to be opportunities for growth. It doesn’t excuse people’s bad behavior, but if you are experiencing it, there is something for you to learn. It’s rarely a comfortable process!
5. Look for humor in the situation.
Humor is a powerful tool. When people behave badly, it’s easy to get upset, but it’s also possible to find the comedy in the situation. Think about stories you tell about something crazy someone said or did that seemed like such a big deal at the time but now seems funny or silly in retrospect.
When a family member says or does something that bothers you, consider if there is a way to make the situation funny. You can choose your response if you don’t internalize what they are saying. You can take things to heart or do the opposite and find the humor in it.
The holidays present opportunities for us to try and be our best selves among people who might trigger us the most. Have certainty that your family is designed for your growth and that every challenge they present is a chance for you to learn and grow. The more you awaken greater and great appreciation for them, not only will your family dynamic be more positive for you, but you will actually benefit from the blessings you open yourself up to.
