It’s only natural that we want people to think highly of us - whether it’s that we’re good at our jobs, good parents, or just plain fun to be around. Although it’s important to take constructive feedback sometimes, more often than not, obsessing over how we are perceived by others can prevent us from living authentically. We might censor ourselves, put on airs, or try to hide parts of ourselves to avoid criticism. Although this may seem like a way to protect ourselves, it can hold us back from experiencing the joy of life, the freedom of being ourselves, and, most importantly, fulfilling our soul’s purpose.
Here are 5 tips to focus less on what others think and to start living more authentically:
1. Assess how much you care about the opinions of others.
To some degree, we are all influenced by what others think of us. It’s not just in the big ways, like holding ourselves back from going after the things we want, but even in the subtle ways, like how we dress or where we shop.
Here are some signs that you are focused on how others perceive you: you review situations over and over again for mistakes you made or ways you sounded stupid; when someone says something negative of you, you dwell on it, whether it’s true or not; you take extreme measures to avoid disapproval; you are afraid to ask for what you want. How much energy do you spend in these areas? What areas of life are you particularly vulnerable to looking for external validation? This can help you gauge how much you are invested in what others think. Catching these thoughts is a great first step to changing that behavior.
2. Accept that doing something meaningful means you will have opposition and people that don’t like you.
Each one of our souls has something unique to bring into this world. That means no one else has ever done it before! It also means that some people likely won’t understand it.
Opposition is inherent in accomplishing the purpose of our soul. We can live a life where everyone likes us, but we will never reveal the unique Light for which we came into this world. If you’re doing something meaningful, you will have opposition and people that don’t like you. Revel in being a rebel. If you haven’t upset anybody, you haven’t done anything worthwhile.
3. Practice acting with integrity and compassion.
Living authentically isn’t a free pass to hurt others. Sometimes people mistake living honestly and authentically to mean that they can say whatever they want all the time without regard to how it affects other people, just because it is “the truth.” The point of living authentically is not to hurt others by being yourself but rather by being in touch with your soul, treating yourself kindly, and acting with integrity and consideration to others.
This requires getting in touch with yourself and living in a way that is true to your soul’s desire. It means holding yourself accountable every day, working to reduce the ego, making good decisions for yourself, and sharing with others. Honesty and authenticity do not need to be at odds with kindness and empathy.
4. Have an open mind when discerning healthy feedback from useless criticism.
Sometimes we tune out other people because we aren’t ready to face a certain part of ourselves, or we block out their feedback because we aren’t willing to put in the work to change ourselves for the better. Living authentically doesn’t mean that we don’t ever need to hear what others have to say about us. Other people can help us see our blind spots and open our eyes to areas that we can improve.
Discerning healthy feedback from useless criticism is an important skill to develop. Practice listening to feedback without immediately rejecting it or accepting it as absolute truth. Listen and reflect with an open heart and mind. Then decide what you want to keep or let go of.
5. Be around people who are rooting for you and whose feedback you value.
The people whose opinions we care about today will likely be completely different 5 years from now. In high school, we try so hard to fit in with our peers. But then we graduate and often never see many of them again. Why spend so much energy trying to be accepted by people who may not be in your life for very long? Social media has magnified this issue even further. We want to be accepted by people we don’t even know and let them influence us in such deep ways.
Choose your tribe wisely. Be around people who want success for you and whose feedback is meaningful. Ask yourself: how many people really root for me, love me unconditionally, and give me feedback from a place of love? It’s a small group! Too often in life, we care about the other people that don’t really care about us. It’s ok to have a large group of friends but make sure to be clear on who is part of your true support system.
Fighting back against our natural desire to fit in no easy task, but it is incredibly important. Not only is it the path to a healthier, happier life, it is the way for our souls to reveal their great Light and potential in this world. Start listening more to your inner voice and less to the myriad of voices that tell you what you should be, how you must act, or what box you are meant to fit.
