The poet William Blake wrote, “It’s easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” Our most important relationships are often the most complicated. It’s easier to ignore an infuriating coworker or to stop inviting a competitive acquaintance to social gatherings because the emotional stakes are lower. But when relationships that matter most to us are broken, it can feel excruciating.
Repairing broken relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendly, takes a lot of work, but by directing our consciousness and efforts in the right areas, we can take positive steps towards healing.
Here are 5 spiritual tips to start mending a broken relationship:
1. Reframe difficult relationships as opportunities for you to learn and grow.
The wisdom of Kabbalah teaches that we are meant to go through a process of change throughout our lives, and one of the most powerful sources of that change is our relationships. Relationships provide us with more than just mutual love and support, they also provide us with necessary opportunities for our growth and positive transformation.
This is a paradigm shift in how most people view relationships. Even difficult relationships can be good for us because they create opportunities for us to become the creator of our own Light and, thereby, fulfill our purpose in the world. Every relationship is worthwhile simply because they awaken something in you that you can grow, change, or learn about.
Whether or not the relationship continues, know that there is a reason you came together. Look at every relationship as a chance to learn about yourself, evolve, and gain a new perspective.
2. Strive to see your part in the conflict.
When faced with a disagreement, it’s easy to fall into the mentality that we are totally right and the other person is totally wrong. Things are never that black and white. It takes two people to have a conflict. Ego can prevent us from seeing where we are at fault. The more we feed our egos, the more we think we are right about everything and that others are wrong. From there, we lose interest in repairing what is broken and become more interested in feeling like we are right.
Recognize your own role in the conflict. Even if you don’t think it was your fault, chances are you played a part, no matter how small. Through taking responsibility for your actions, you can not only take steps towards resolving the conflict but also learn and grow from it for the future.
3. Fight for the relationship before you walk away from it.
Very often, we seek relationships and friendships that are “perfect” for us and then move on if the other person doesn’t fit exactly what we are looking for. When something goes wrong, our reflex is to run from it and not go back and repair or fix it. This thinking can end relationships prematurely and limit the amount of growth and Light we can receive from it.
If something is meaningful to you, it’s worth fighting for, even if it isn’t perfect in your eyes. Of course, there are toxic relationships that are unhealthy for us to stay in that justify walking away. We can still set boundaries and stand up against injustice while fighting for the relationships that are worth salvaging.
Be willing to give grace and forgiveness even when someone disappoints you. Don’t choose the easy way out. Fight for the relationships that are important to you.
4. Give more than you receive.
What is the benefit of having relationships? Most people would say the benefits are what the other person provides: companionship, support, love, or guidance, for instance. But the real importance is what we are able to give. The reason why our souls come into this world is to share with as many people as possible and to grow from that. Relationships give us the ability to share.
Shift your thinking about relationships from what you can get to what you can give. By giving forgiveness, grace, and kindness, you will see yourself change and grow in the ways that you need to. And as an added bonus, you will maintain longer friendships.
5. Know that the way you behave in your relationships has a spiritual impact on the world.
An important spiritual understanding is that every action we do not only impacts our relationships but also the collective totality of the world. We live in a time that desperately needs kindness, grace, forgiveness, and mercy. Know that your actions impact the world. One of the reasons this person is causing you to be upset or has hurt you is because it creates an opportunity for you to forgive and put the energy of forgiveness out into the world.
If there’s a relationship in your life that you are having trouble forgiving, do it - not just to better the relationship and lead to a more fulfilling life but also because the world needs it. Go out of your way to heal this relationship, forgive this person, and show mercy to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Not because they are right, but because that is the energy you want put out into the world.
Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever, but everyone who crosses our path does so for a reason. Every relationship provides opportunities for you to grow, share, and impact the world in positive ways. Viewing difficult relationships through this lens can offer a new perspective to start the process of healing and a new approach to forgiveness. Through this, you can build stronger relationships, level up your personal growth, and create powerful changes in the world.
